So I had my bridal shower yesterday. I am exhausted today.
It was really nice, but it’s a slightly surreal experience. I was trying to strike the balance between socializing with everyone and just relaxing, but there was more socializing than anything else.
Which is all good. I was really touched by the people who came and I can’t believe the number of gifts I got. It was over the top.
It’s strange for me. I definitely have a bit of the middle child syndrome where I spent most of my childhood feeling like it was my job to keep out of the way while everyone else had their crisis. So if I wasn’t trying to fix what was broken, I was out of the way. Especially with a single mom with three jobs. I always felt it had to be a huge deal to bother anyone with it.
So as a result, I love public speaking because I have a captive audience that will listen to me for a set amount of time. I also love sports, because it’s action and you can perform and people can yell and scream your name in approval or disgust. But even then, it’s a new moment and you have to react to your situation, so their reaction becomes part of your total experience and is visceral, coursing through your body.
Despite those moments in the spotlight, the bridal shower was strange. I was the focus of attention. I wasn’t performing, I wasn’t winning or losing, I was sitting there opening presents. No objective action to be evaluated, just me opening my presents. I can’t imagine what a wedding with 5 times the number of people will feel like.
So yea, I guess I don’t like it. I don’t like being the focus unless I am playing, moving or adding information. Just sitting there was bizarre.
This probably doesn’t make too much sense to anyone outside my head…=)
But overall, I was really happy to see everyone. I think people mixed well, even though people cliqued off. Though there were some who were excellent at socializing with everyone. My mom got on with my step-mom, two of my main sets of friends really liked each other and everyone else seemed okay. I think it bodes well for the wedding.
As for the wedding, what am I worried about? His family and my family getting along. Incorporating my half-brother’s half-sisters. Figuring out how to make my step-sister, step-mother and half-sister feel comfortable. Hoping I don’t even notice my father isn’t there. The reaction of any conservative folk to my friends and family’s gay partners. (Though if I hear anything disparaging from anyone, even in jest, I’m throwing them out myself. ) And everyone having a good time.
But after yesterday, I think it will be okay.